your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
