Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
false alarm. still invincible.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
