fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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