i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
