I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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