i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
