I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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