Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
