my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
