Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
