I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
