just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
