mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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