I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
