I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this boner is exhausting
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
