Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The uberlube is also flammable
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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