i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
