have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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