Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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