Swine flu is the new snow day.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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