who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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