JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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