So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize