did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
