I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
