i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
