you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pants are for mortals
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
