can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
