I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
