I never want to see another naked old woman again.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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