Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
