Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
