ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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