Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
