tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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