I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bang-toberfest begins!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
