im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
