I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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