I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
