The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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