Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
