so explain again why im purple
no
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You took a bar mat shot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
