like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
