Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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