I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
