3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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