Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i permit you to call me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
