You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
