All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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