why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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