I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
