i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
