he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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