He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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