Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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