This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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