Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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