thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
