id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
