Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize