I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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