I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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