I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
