No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
