Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
