I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
