i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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