I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we made out on top of his cat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
