i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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