I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
