I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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