you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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