i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
