I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The Olympian is in my bed
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
