He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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