I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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