She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
