Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
